The things I’ve learned flying standby.
Here's a quick list if you're a type A like me, you've already scrolled through and decided this was entirely too long to read right now. Bullet points for you my friends.
Don’t fly standby. It’s a real B!&^%
There’s a hard 10 so you definitely have time for that drink
Your time stamps rolls and that’s like a secret membership
Wear your Fitbit
Patience is golden
DIA is actually a great airport
You can see multiple airports in one day
Time travel is a real thing
Make the most of it
See Rule # 1!
For the rest of you types - those who enjoy the details, my witty banter and perfectly placed Fucks...
Here’s how it all went down…
Saturday over lunch with my sister, one of our favorite things to do together is have a great meal with tasty beverage after a stellar morning of growing ourselves and our business. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining with a gentle breeze. We’re sitting on the patio enjoying ourselves discussing how far we’ve come, where we want to be by the end of the year and of course, our plans for the fourth of July. It’s pretty typical for Colorado to shut down most of its firework shows due to the heat and fire bans. By early July and definitely by late August half the state is consumed by raging fires while the other half of the country is flooding. Even so, there is usually a barbecue or gathering of some sort to celebrate our freedom.
This year was different though, this year we have a pandemic which has basically changed the world as we knew it. It’s the first pandemic of my lifetime and is completely against my lifestyle. We’re told to stay home, not interact with people in person and basically sit still and look pretty. It’s a fucking mess is what it is. I hate it and I’m fucking over it! Make it STOP!!. (rant over) eh-hem, (composing myself) there has been a lot of really great things that have transitioned from this… new drinking games tailored around the phrases, “we need to pivot” “during these unprecedented times” “oh shit, I forgot my mask” or “I feel like I’m in the twilight zone”. Stay-at-home Mom and Dad’s are the new superheroes, as the working class finds out just how hard it is to run a household. Dogs barking or kids screaming in the background is no longer frowned upon and CYA (covering your ass) is now remembering to literally put your pants on and the mute button are equally important.
ANYWAYS… so we’re discussing … I love the holidays. I love getting together with family and friends to celebrate… well really anything. I love celebrating! Holiday’s can also be hard on me though because it reminds me that it’s just me, again. All on my own and alone. It’s my choice to be single still. I haven’t found the right one yet and I refuse to settle for less than what I give. Nonetheless, holidays … well… I’ll be honest, make me a little depressed at the end of the night. But better then settling or being miserable in an unhappy relationship. This isn’t about being alone or to feel sorry for myself or to gain attention. but I will say this….
Being alone really isn’t a bad thing. I firmly believe if you can’t be happy alone, you’ll never be happy with anyone else. It’s an inside job and only you can control your happiness. With that said, I love people and immensely enjoy companionship, intimacy and the pure essence of love.
I knew I wanted to go somewhere for the weekend since everything was going to be cancelled in the way of firework shows, BBQ’s or anything fun and I didn’t want to spend it home by myself. Fireworks are my favorite – the sparkle, the joy it brings, the way you can feel it in your chest when it’s a big one, the way they light up the night. The smell of sulfur. I just love them! (except lighting them. I have someone else handle that shit). So I had 3 strikes counting against me: no celebrations, being alone and no fireworks on one of my favorite holidays.
I was feeling down and thought if I’m going to be alone at least I can do it in style with a short get away. I thought a lake by the mountains would be great and only a few hours’ drive. I start looking up prices. Geeez-sus. Holy expensive for a 2-night stay! I am well on my way to my fortune and financial freedom, but I’m not there yet and still have to be mindful of pricing… I’ll probably always be that way though, unless it’s something I really want– then I give zero fucks about the price tag. Like the song says, I want it, I bought it.” (winking)
We keep discussing, she’s like, “you don’t want to go to the mountains you live here.” She was right, I love the mountains, but I see them allll the time and not much for hiking these days. Besides anywhere I wanted to stay was basically a couple’s retreat – not exactly what I wanted; to be around lovebirds reminding me of my singleness. Hallmark can fucking wait until February. I’m thinking all this in my mind while she continues to talk. I'm lost track of what she was saying mostly ideas and then I hear, “you should fly somewhere. Besides, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you driving and getting stuck on the side of the road at night by yourself.” Me: "For real, that's what scary movies are made of"
She was right! I should fly somewhere! (pause here please for her moment of gloating – Ok, that’ll do, thanks)
I need a beach. I need to get out of Denver. I need to feel claustrophobic on a plane with a kid screaming in the background. I need the smell of shitty hotel lotion. I need to meet new people, try new places, eat local cuisine. I need to be thrown back into my seat and startled awake during landing. I need to get out of Colorado!
We started looking up flights to any good beach destination. Turns out, even during a pandemic, prices to fly 1 week out are outrageously high and I was getting outrageously discouraged. Anything that was reasonably priced was no where near a beach or anywhere I wanted to go. Po-dunk nowhere-ville. FML.
With a slumped demeanor and big swig of beer, I start to let defeat overcome me and blurt out, “I Wish I had enough flight miles” and take another big drink. She says, “what about Chris and buddy passes?!” “YEEesss!! That’s it!” And just like that, she totally redeemed me!
I randomly pick a destination on the east coast that I’ve never been, and he can get me too with buddy passes. I pull up the good ol’ Google search for best beaches to vacation – it was between Myrtle and Virginia Beach – I hadn’t been to either and they both looked fun. Honestly, I really didn’t care where it was as long as I could be on the ocean front. Myrtle Beach won since it’s apparently very difficult to fly standby to Virginia Beach – (insert staring face emoji)
Let’ go back to this list I’ve created as a direct result of flying bullshit standby on a holiday weekend…
Imagine this, I am so excited to get to a beach because I haven’t been for a few years now and the ocean… more specifically the sun and the sound of water crashing on white sandy beach have been calling my name louder and louder. It’s kinda what I imagine a pregnant woman experiences when she has a craving and it just doesn’t go away until it’s satisfied and only gets stronger until there is no other thought then that singular craving and how to satisfy it.
That’s me with the beach.
It's the night before – I never sleep the night before an early flight – I’m too excited... and ok, I'll be honest I'm afraid I'll sleep in even WITH 4 alarms set and a back phone call. I'm especially excited for this trip. It’s my first one alone. And I feel like I can conquer the world!
That is, of course, until the third, "I’m sorry Ma’am, we can’t get you on this flight". So here we go – don’t fucking fly standby!
Lesson Numero Uno -
Don’t fly standby – ESPecially on a holiday weekend x2 on the fourth of July. It’s a fucking madhouse in DIA – everyone is getting the fuck out. Probably because there are no fireworks. To quote the customer service rep after the 3rd flight I missed, “Oh your friend should’ve told you, this is the worst weekend to fly standby. It’s not too bad once we can get you out of Denver. It’s getting you out of Denver that’s hard.” Noted dude but it doesn’t change my situation.
Part Deux -
There’s a hard 10. When you have a new flight option every hour, you might be concerned that there is not enough time for a drink before boarding. They tell you, make sure you’re visible once they start boarding. But here’s the real truth – you technically can’t get assigned a seat until the hard 10. The hard 10 is two-fold lesson here. If you’re running late and you can make it to the gate 10 minutes before the door closes, you’re on. If there’s a standby list – you’re out! So that poor soul’s misfortune becomes your golden ticket to the show. That’s the hard 10. So just make sure you’re back at the 12min mark.
Rule Number 3!
Your “time stamp” rolls – meaning if you can’t get on that flight you get to keep your place in line for the next flight – so it’s basically a Gold Star Membership where seniority rules. Unless someone who works for the airlines is also flying standby. They’ll fucking trump your ass. Every. Fucking. Time. (still bitter)
Four through Six are just standards and proper etiquette of flying but worth a mention.
4. Wear shoes you can move fast in. annnnddd…. a Fitbit or turn on your Map My Run app. Something to track the miles, and I mean miles that you log gate hoping to make it on the next flight. You should totally get credit for that shit and extra if you’re in heels. Of course, that doesn’t include tiny little airports that are the size of a small block… with two restaurants that are not open during a pandemic and there is nowhere to get booze No names… (he-ehm Charleston, cough cough)
Lesson 4.5 – bring shooters to pour your own damn booze. No flights are serving it right now either.
5. People are nice if you’re nice. So many people really went above and beyond to try and help me get on a flight! They quickly became my friends and I theirs. It just really makes the whole miserable thing better. Special thanks to the rep overhearing my conversation to get the hard 10 and said that flight has 2 open seats, don’t you have 2 people flying standby to Denver. Why yes, yes, she does. Myself and a pilot just wanting to get home.
6. DIA is actually a great airport. They have open restaurants, bars, easy walks, separate terminals, everything is seamless. Except if you are late for a flight – you’re not gonna fucking make it. Too far, too many things to wait on. Nope, just grab a fucking drink and wait for the next one.
Seven, Eight, Nine is all about Time:
7. You can see multiple airports in one day. Have you ever wanted to see the world but couldn’t actually afford to? Don’t be sad – travel stand by! They’ll fucking cart your ass all over the country for free!
8. Time travel is a real thing. It’s 10am in Denver, 2.5hr flight to Pittsburg – it’s now 230pm. Next up is Nashville, 2-hour flight. it’s still 230pm – what the fuck?! Time Travel.
9. One day is forever. You can just hop around the country and for the next 24 hours never actually see a new calendar day. Mind blowing.
The Big 10
See rule number 1. Never fly standby especially if there is more then one of you, there is not a direct flight and you are not carrying on your luggage. Period. The only way to do standby is by flying solo, with a small carry on, to a destination that’s a straight shot that no one else wants to go to.
End of Story.
Just kidding, while the flight was an adventure – I had an amazing trip and it was totally worth it!!
Thankfully, after missing the 3rd flight, they worked some standby magic. And by magic she said, “Alright girl, Imma get you outta here but you going all over the United States today. It’ll get you there about 11 o’clock eastern time tonight, you cool with that?” Keep in mind 11 p.m. was 10 hours of travel time after I’d been up since 5am and went to bed around 2 a.m. the night before and THEN I would have another 2 and half hour drive before I got to my hotel… My answer, “Hell yeah I’m cool with that! Thank you!!” – whatever I have to do! I just want to get there and have two full days of being busy AF laying on the beach.
3 flights, 4 cities, and a 2-hour drive for one amazing weekend at the beach over Fourth of July weekend. The beach is the now the only place I want to celebrate the Fourth! It’s incredible, the entire shoreline filled with fireworks as far as the eye can see. Everyone brought a small arsenal of the big ones. I was dodging the debris as it fell from the sky. I looovveed it!
The journey back wasn’t nearly as bad, only bumped from one flight (by an employee), hit Nashville and off to Denver. I'm grateful I got to go and will likely be flying standby again, with the discretion of rule #10 of course.
While in Nashville, in the only open bar listening to the same singer ask the crowd for song requests.
They guy behind says “play me something deep – something I’ve never heard before”. And just like that, he spoke the words of my soul and I longed for my next destination. Home sick for a place I’ve never been before.
Until the next time,
XoXo
-The Money Duchess