It’s Saturday night, I’m a few drinks in and surrounded by family... ok probably a lot of drinks in by this point.
We’re celebrating my Mom’s 60th birthday and playing our favorite family game – 31. On my left is my Aunt, behind me is my 13year old cousin and on my lap, his 7year old sister. We’re laughing, swiping right or left, yes or no to – “he’s cute” while my Uncle is shaking his head laughing and my Dad is cleaning his gun (metaphorically speaking).
Truth be told, I’m a rather private person when it comes to my dating life. I don’t get overly excited about anyone and am careful who I introduce to family and friends. Most of my attractions are to men who are unavailable one way or another, that way I don’t have to commit to anything. Self-sabotage or self-preservation. I don’t really fucking know. I’ve been single so long that my Dad once asked me if I was gay- I’m all for it, it’s just not me.
The reality is, I’m more afraid of my heart breaking again then I am of dying. So like Napoleon’s tomb, I buried my heart under 7 different layers of impenetrability, closed the door and lost the key.
…. or so I thought.
Have you ever gone somewhere spur of the moment, not having any real expectations or high standards only to find out that it would shift your future forever?
Yeah, that happened. Last week I went to a Spirit Fair. A random, I’ll hang out with family and support local business, nothing better going on afternoon.
And that’s where I learned about Troy… my dude. My Guide in life.
And as it turns out, the fucker who has the damn key!!
So here I am in a small, makeshift room - Troy speaking through Kathleen telling me this really isn’t his area of expertise but he’s working hard and knows he fucked up and so have I but he thinks he’s got it figured out but wants to try a couple things first because he doesn’t want either of us to fuck up “the big one”.
By now, based on how things transpired to this point, I’m actually feeling pretty excited about life and maybe even love. Thinking that the healing work I’ve been doing is working and I finally have someone who “gets me” on my side (breathing a sigh of relief)
That was until we find out that Troy might not be all I thought he was. Turns out, he might just be some random dude who just didn’t want to move on, didn’t want to be reincarnated so he just stuck around.
I imagine this is how it went down…
Anyone with status in Heaven:
“oh boy… Amber’s up. Fuck. Nope, not doing it! (echoed by everyone)
In the corner, stands a new guy; Troy:
“Hey Troy – you want your wings, right?
(he looks back eyes filled with enthusiasm)
“Then you’re up. We’ve been dealing with this one for a thousand years.
You get this right; you’ll definitely earn your wings.”
Chest puffed up with pride and excitement, Troy takes the job, determined to make a name for himself.
I mean, come the fuck on. It’s already hard enough to be me! And now I have to deal with some Guide who it’s their first fucking time. Are you fucking serious right now?! I mean, for fucks sake, don’t I have enough to deal with?! Now I have to worry that my dude doesn’t know what the fuck to do either?!
As I’m telling my sister all this, she’s in tears laughing. I’M in tears. Laughing or actually crying – can’t really decide which. Probably best to leave it to Troy… Fuck.
It’s cool though. I got Troy’s back. He has to deal with me, I have to deal with him. It’s an even trade. I mean my sister has Arch Angel Michael… whatever. Michael has multiple charges. Troy probably only has me which is a full-time operation. ANND he’s trying to redeem himself or earn his wings or some shit, so he’s being all extra. Which should work out in my favor… I’m hoping. Please fucking work. (eyes closed, fingers crossed)
So it’s Troy and the gang – I’m assuming he’s had to bring reinforcements – and me. Trying to figure out this thing called love.
He’s asked me to do some things on my end so he can do some things on his end. I feel like it’s the Mafia – I’m following orders without question or explanation and trusting I will be rewarded handsomely for my loyalties.
I’m a coachable person though and what the hell, I have nothing to lose. So I’ve done what he suggested and here I am, online dating and shit, talking to Troy, writing down my dreams and burning more sage.
Wish us luck
XoXo
-The Money Duchess